Alternative Schools?

Well as most of you know I am now living in Pleasant Hill, California which is northeast of San Francisco Bay. Fortunately, I found an apartment across the street from my university, so I guess you can say that lucked out there. JFK University is amazing. It is everything that I could have hoped for a psychology doctorate program to have. It focuses on multi-culturalism, and emphasizes a "hands-on" approach to learning. Therefore, in order to gain experience working in a diverse community, the university placed me in an alternative school. Many of you are probably wondering what kind of alternative school I am volunteering at. Well, it is a school for kids with disciplinary problems, or for those that for whatever reason do not have enough credits to graduate.

I have been working there for about two months and I really enjoy interacting with the students. Although, there are times where it is EXTREMELY STRESSFUL, I manage because I constantly remind myself that I am working to be a positive impact in their lives, and I believe that they know that by the enthusiasm and effort I put in the class. This post will focus on my first day at the site. You'll see that it was jarring to say the least ;-).

Prior upon beginning my practicum site; I was filled with many emotions that ranged from excitement to anxiety. I am aware that I have experienced more than most people at my age, however, working at a continuation high school was not one of them. I was intrigued to work at this site because of it being a novel environment. I knew I would have a chance to develop myself in ways beyond my previous experiences. In contrast, I also felt anxious because this site was so foreign. I knew that although I may have taught in schools before, this would be entirely different because unlike my previous students, most of these students were there because of disciplinary problems. I refused to let any negative preconceived notions that I might have been facing to interfere with my ability to form a relationship with the students. I wanted them to all know that I was there to help them. I wanted them all to know that despite their hardships, I would do that I could as a teacher assistant to see them succeed. I knew that this would be a difficult challenge to say the least.

Many questions entered my head before I began working. I wondered if they would accept me as a new teacher? Would the kids respond to me or would they just write me off as another student? Would they judge me for going to college and not reflecting the stereotypes that are associated with their culture? Aside, from all of these questions I also asked myself about the structure of the classroom. Will the teacher have control of the class? Would the style of teaching differ from any that I have been exposed to? Would the administrators’ bias views about the students turn out to be true? I felt all of these questions were pertinent to making my experience one that I could get the most out of. Above all else, I told myself that despite the high level of stress I might experience, I would not forget the reason why I was there. That reason would mirror the reason for why I wanted to be a psychologist. That is to observe the most I can out of life, so that I may understand people better in order to become the best public servant that I can be.

It was early Monday morning and I felt like I did when I was kid and it was my first day of school. I quickly got ready to catch the bus to B.A.R.T (Bay Area Rapid Transit) so that I could get off, only to then get on another bus. Finally, I would walk a mile up hill to arrive at my school. It was an arduous trip to say the least, but this inconvenience did not aid to the feelings I was already experiencing. As described above, my excitement and anxiety were all a product of beginning my practicum experience. I remained focused during my trip so that I would be prepared to handle whatever was thrown at me.

Once I entered the building, I was greeted with smiles from the secretaries and from the principal. I could tell that they were all genuinely happy to see me. The principal walked out and told me that I would be working with a teacher that could use some help with the students. I felt a little uneasy by his statement because I was hoping to be placed with a teacher that had more control of their environment. I began to realize that even though his statement was vague in determining what area the teacher was lacking in, I immediately associated his statement to behavior. I began to create an artificial scenario in my head where the students controlled the teacher, and I would be there as a mediator or a distraction to ease the tension that was already prevalent in the classroom. It was not until I left that day that I realized that the principal could have been referring to a number of things besides behavior such as, the teacher’s lack of ability to communicate efficiently with the students, problems teaching the students, or just having a difficulty developing a rapport with the students.

As I entered the classroom, to say I was shocked and amazed would be an understatement. I was horrified to see that there was completely no structure, and some of my preconceived notions were minuscule to what I was now witnessing with my very own eyes. Students were talking on cell phones, walking around the class, listening to music from the television, drawing, and socializing. I did not know what to make of what was going on in the class. I was confused to see this happening in a classroom. The kids were displaying the same behavior as if they were in a mall with their friends.

I walked over to the teacher, only to find her at her desk reading the newspaper. I introduced myself, and told her why I was there. I then wasted no time to ask her what was going on? She began to tell me that she was not their normal teacher, and it was her first time substituting for this class. I was a little relieved to hear this, because now I had a legitimate excuse to why the classroom was in such a state of disarray. I recalled some of the times when I was in high school and my class often behaved more mischievously in the presence of a substitute, although not at the level they were acting. I then asked her, "What was the lesson plan for the day?" She then gave me this blank stare as if I was speaking a foreign language. I was dumbfounded to receive this reaction and as a result, I began to repeat myself thinking that she did not hear me. She spoke before I had the chance, and told me that she did not have a clue because their regular teacher did not leave a lesson plan. I was confused to hear her say this. I did not understand why a teacher would call off and not prepare any material for the substitute. It was not until later that I found out that the previous teacher left the classroom last Friday in tears because he felt the environment was too stressful. Since she did not know what to do at the onset of class, she told me that she just had the students clean the classroom. She commented on how nice it looked compared to how the room looked before. She conveyed a sense of satisfaction and told me that they were just doing whatever now because none of the students would tell her what they were working on during the previous week.

It was enraging to listen to her inform me of the current situation. I could not believe that the regular teacher did not leave a lesson plan. I could not believe that the principal did not bat an eye at the uncanny classroom behavior. I was in a state of disbelief to hear that the students were acting as janitors instead of students. Overall, I felt like it was just a big waste of time, and wasting time is one of my pet peeves. Therefore, I knew I would have to take a proactive stance, while at the same time act in line as to not overstep my boundaries. I suggested that I should at least get everyone’s attention so that I could introduce myself to them. For some reason she did not think this was necessary. I felt as if she really did not care what the kids did and was just fed up with them. Introductions are a necessity if one hopes to develop a relationship. Knowing this I knew I would have to intervene and present my argument in favor for an introduction. After seeing the urgency in my tone and expressions, she eased up in her opposition and agreed to give me time to speak to the class.

As I went to the front of the class, my stomach was full of butterflies. Public speaking has never been a good trait of mine, but after teaching for a year in Taiwan, I thought I was over this hurdle. I believe it was the feeling of being in an unfamiliar environment that contributed to these feelings. In a moderate tone I said, "Ok, everyone may I have your attention." The students acted as if I was not even standing there. Again, but with more urgency in my voice I restated myself. Still, I did not get a response. Then finally, I shouted in my most authoritative voice, what I previously said. This seemed to work, and they began to turn toward me and cease their previous engagements. I then proceeded to tell them about myself, everything from my past career endeavors to my hometown and recreational activities. Out of everything that I said, it appeared that the only thing they were fascinated in was that I use to work in a women’s prison. I found this quite amusing, because even though it is quite unorthodox, I felt it was quite insignificant compared to the other things that I told them. It then dawned on me that they were embracing stereotypes for which their group were labeled. They joked with one another about going to prison and that they were positive that a number of fellow students would be there. I heard one girl talk about how one of her teachers told her she was getting a D for dumb. I heard the substitute make negative comments about their behavior and she made it clear that she really did not want to be there. It was saddening to see all of this occurring before my eyes. I was uneasy about not being able to do something about the disharmony I was feeling in the room. Therefore, I took the initiative to walk around to each student and ask him or her about their life and what career they hoped to achieve.

I learned a great deal from all of their conversations. Every student, except for one, showed that they understood that school was important in reaching their goal. That one exception told me that ever since he was six years old he knew that he would take over his father’s roofing company. Over the years, he learned the system inside and out and felt that school was a complete waste of time because it contributed nothing to his career. I was perplexed to hear their answers because they did not connect to their behaviors. The more I spoke to them the more I found out about how many of them were left to fend for themselves. Some of them understood that this was their last chance to graduate from high school and said that they were trying to stay aware from negative influences. Those same students were the ones that turned in an assignment that I convinced the substitute teacher to assign them, despite her reluctance because the students were not listening.

At the end of the day, I was consumed with several new emotions before I entered the school, while previous feelings were disposed. I was in awe of what I just witnessed. I felt disheartened to see how bad the system and the students were treated. I felt bad for the teachers to see that not only did they have to worry about the education, but in actuality the behavior took a precedence. The disorganization that I witnessed was probably the most disturbing. How could students be expected to improve in a chaotic environment? Being the type of person that I am, I recognized that in order to make things better I would have to make a concerted effort to find solutions for these problems. I then felt optimistic remembering that the most positive moment of the day was hearing the students speak about what they wanted to become. Despite the disconnect between their realities and the "real world’s" I began to realize that there is a way for me to reach them because I had something to work with. I believe this eagerness will be more motivation to putting forth my best effort to see these students fulfill their potential. I know I am in for a long road ahead, but I am looking forward to the challenge.