Happy New Year's Vegas Style 2009!

Wow, there is sooooo much for me to write about since my last blog. A lot has happened to me since then. For starters I went to my first professional football game and saw the Oakland Raiders take on the Kansas City Chiefs. Despite them getting slaughtered, I decided to go again and watch them get destroyed against the New England Patriots. I guess you can say it was not their year, but hey it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless.

So, aside from going to the professional games, I have been busy counseling clients. That’s right, I have my own case load now, and I have to say that I am having a blast being able to help people by figuring out the root of their problems. It is challenging, but also rewarding. Through it all, I keep in mind one of my life’s mottos which is the harder something is the more rewarding it will be.

School has been challenging, along with my job, so I guess when I am finished with everything I will have one hell of a reward waiting for me J. Now to switch gears, so that I can discuss the heart of this blog. I had one of the best times of my life bringing in the New Year in Vegas with a really special guy that has come into my life not too long ago.

It would not serve him justice to describe him using words alone because I don’t believe words can sum up his amazing personality, kind heartedness, and overall good spirit. I have known him for about a month, but it feels like so much longer. He is ambitious (works in law enforcement), funny, smart, handsome, and I enjoy spending every minute that I can with him. I know that is why I enjoyed myself in Vegas soooo much, along with everything that we did together.

Our trip, although fantastic as I described it to be, did not start off on a good foot seeing as I overslept and missed our flight heading out to Vegas. I pulled a double on Monday and Tuesday leading up to our departure and well my body was exhausted. I couldn’t believe that I was going to miss the flight while I was riding on the train to head to the airport and I felt like scum once I saw him. Fortunately for me he was understanding about the whole situation and we were able to switch our flights for a small fee and head out only an hour and a half later than our original departure time. Since we were on stand-by I was very nervous seeing as we were not guaranteed a sit. I was relieved to hear our names called over the loud speaker because I knew that was going to be the start of a great trip.

Once we arrived we had a dinner/lunch with a friend that lives in Vegas. He was very hospitable while we were there, and I can’t thank him enough for everything that he did for us. After we ate, Alain (the guy I described earlier) and I went to a comedy club in the Harrah Hotel to watch 3 stand-up comics put on a show. I have to say that I greatly enjoyed all the comedians because they were freakin’ HILARIOUS. The last comedian was a famous guy named John Henton who played Overton on the hit 1993 television series called, Living Single. He put on a good act as well, and after the show ended we departed and headed to a dance club to bring in the new year.

There were sooooo many people on the streets it took us forever to walk down the street to the club. Once we arrived there was this guy or girl (couldn’t tell with the costume) standing on stilts. Alain almost bumped into him/her and I didn’t even notice him/her until Alain told me. It was quite impressive to say the least, and it foreshadowed things to come once we stepped inside. The entertainment consisted of a woman swallowing a sword, women climbing on long pieces of fabric and swinging in the air (totally Cirque du Solei style), scantly dressed dancers, and snow falling from the ceiling. All in all it was a blast and DJ Hex Hector was amazing!

The following day we walked around for bit, had lunch at Planet Hollywood, and went to the Fashion Show Mall. The big surprise I had in stored was a night-time helicopter ride over the Vegas strip. It was funny having him try to guess what it was, and believe it or not he got it, but I did not tell him he was right J (told yah he is smart). Anyways, once we got to the destination, we were both pretty psyched to take the trip. It was breathtaking to see the whole strip 1000’s of feet off the ground. Everything looked so small but at the same time grand.

We concluded our night at GameWorks and I got schooled on Dance Dance Revolution, although I got him on a fighting game (although, I should note that one of his functions didn’t work on the game ;-), hey a victory is a victory right?). After that, we walked around for a bit then called it the night. As we were walking these girls about the age of 8 or 9 started singing to us. It was odd but cute at the same time. They had very outgoing personalities, and were trying to sell their cds on the street to us. Although they were cute and all I don’t think I could rock out their Mickey Mouse Club tunes on my cd players and still keep my cool persona ;-) therefore, I had to politely decline their offer.

The next day my Vegas friend, Alain, and I all ate at the #1 buffet in Vegas called the Spice Market. Let me just say that they had everything there for breakfast that you can imagine, and they had even more sections for lunch and dinner. I definitely recommend the place if you are ever in Vegas, and the price is affordable in comparison to some of the other restaurants that are in the area. After we ate we headed to the airport and unfortunately our flight was delayed for at least 3 hours as a result of the bad weather in San Francisco. I guess you can say that we didn’t have much luck at the airport, but regardless of that we had a blast.

Cheers to 2009, I have a feeling it is going to be one hell of a year for me, and I hope it is the same for you!

To changing the world to make it a better place for all in 2009.

Godspeed,

-Bob

RaVin in the NEW YEARS!

So, it is now 2008 and I am at a good place in my life. I had a great New Year's Eve as I spent it at a rave with a group of friends in Berkeley. I met two guys there that were really cool and I spent the following weekend hanging out with them in Sacramento (A person can never have to many friends!).

Well after reviewing my 2007 New Year's Resolutions I can proudly say that I have accomplished a lot. Honestly I can say that 2007 had been my most productive year thus far, and I hope to make 2008 even better.

In 2007 I was able to run a half marathon, visit family and friends in Ohio, buy a new car, get my own apartment, succeed in school, attend a professional conference, and last but not least score a good job as a classroom counselor for a treatment facility for at risk youth. This year will definately be a hard act to follow, but hey I am up for the challenge. So here is my New Year's Resolution List for 2008

Reach for the Stars! I want to reach the top of a mountain. Call me adventurous but I stick by my philosophy in life that says what is the point of living, if one does not know how to live. Therefore, I tend on going the distance and truly living life as it was meant to be lived. I would like to push myself to the limit because it is only through the most challenging times in one's life, that a person knows who they truly are.

Paradise on Earth! I want to go to Hawaii. Ok, so Hawaii has been on my things to do list for as far as I can remember. But it is this year that I intend on actually going there and experiencing all that Hawaii has to offer. I have friends there so it will be nice to visit them and experience Hawaiian culture.

Research! I want to begin my dissertation research. I know this is a time consuming task that I really do not have to begin until next year however, I would like to get a head start on this feat so that I won't feel rushed when graduation time approaches.

Boston! The site for the 2008 APA Conference. I would like to attend this conference and play more of an instrumental role in obtaining support for my research along with making good connections with people that are interested in similar material.

Alliance! I want to create a LGBT club at my university so that I can create a better sense of community for LGBT and straight students on campus. I know there are sooo many questions that people have for one another in regards to LGBT issues and psychology therefore, I would like to create an open dialogue between LGBT people and straight students so that the opportunity is there to be open and honest about areas that may be unclear.

Strength! I intend on stepping up my regiment and pushing myself even more in the weightroom. Last year I stated that I wanted to see how far I could push myself physically, and well running 13.1 miles definately was a way to do that. But this year I want to focus on nutrition and just overall fitness.

Spirituality! I want to spend more time in my day taking a step back from the work/business/high pace activities and just listen to my soul. Prayer has always been my method of quieting my mind and I intend on sticking to this approach. Listening to God and allowing God to continue to lead me in my life is important. Afterall, I know that with God's support I can achieve what I set my mind to, so I need to focus on what matters in life.

Finances! Ok, I have never been good at monitoring more checkbook, but this year I would like to start financial planning for my future. I intend on creating budgets and sticking to them. I also may venture in to stocks/savings and explore various options concerning investments.

Well, that about does it for now. I will more in likely think of more things to come, but I feel good with the list I have created thus far. The three keys I will continue to focus on are the Mind, Body, and the Soul. I hope the rest of you have made New Year's list too, but if you have not let me suggest you start and bring in 2008 with a blast!

GODSPEED.....

-Bob

SF 2007 Marathon

A lot has happened since the last time I have blogged. First off, I ran a half marathon, that's right a half marathon 13.1 miles of fun, and since I am able to tell you all about it, I accomplished my goal and that was to survive. I will talk more about the race later in this blog. So, aside from running I attended the 2007 APA (American Psychological Association) Convention in San Francisco, bought a new car, finished my first year of grad school and visited my family and friends in Ohio. As you can see I have been busy, busy, busy.

So..... lets me begin!

The month of August was action packed. I kicked off the month by purchasing a black 07 Kia Rio. I know, I know, you all are probably thinking, "Isn't that the same car he had in Ohio?", and to answer your question, "Yes." I don't know, I guess I am not the best when it comes to change, so I just figured I would choose a vehicle that was affordable and that was reliable based on my past experiences. My old car was a silver 02 Kia Rio by which I left in Ohio. I liked the car, especially considering the fact that it had a 100,000 mile warranty, which in my opinion is a valued incentive considering how common it is for cars to break down before hitting 100k.

Another appealing factor is that the car is great on gas. Since gas prices don't seem to be going down anytime soon, I wanted to find a fuel efficient vehicle, that didn't look like a box. For some odd reason car manufacturers seem to enjoy making fuel/environmental efficient cars that look very odd in comparison to most other models. My car looks, well.... like a typical car, with a little spoiler on the back, which was an added incentive to help with my cool kid style ;-).
Even though I was persistent on purchasing the silver car without the spoiler, my good friends Sujata and Juliana advised me that change was a good thing, so I decided to appeal to their advice. I can now honestly say that I am pleased with my choice and intend on driving the car up until graduation if not beyond.

The APA Convention was amazing and it gave me a chance to make numerous friends and contacts. I volunteered to help out with Division 44 which is the chapter of APA that specializes on GLBT issues (translation: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, & Transgendered). I found it inspiring to be around such an esteemed group of people that have all played influentual roles in providing equal opportunities/rights for GLBT people. My own professor was one of the people that wrote the psychological guidelines for treating GLB clients back in 2000 which I find aww inspiring.

Throughout all of the symposiums, social gatherings, and research poster sessions, I found time to hang out with my cool hotel roommates. I also met a guy named Dr. Phil (not the doctor Phil connected to Oprah) which gave a great presentation concerning sexual identity. Us along with some other students hit up the hot spots of the Castro and painted the town red. "GOODTIMES!"

Ok, let me get to the race now. As many of you know I spoke of fulfilling certain New Year's resolutions during the course of this year. I wanted to focus on my Mind, Body, & Soul. I have been doing great in the mind and soul department as I have been performing well in graduate school. I also take time out of my day to talk to those that may be getting down on life, and through inspirational stories and advice I try to bring them back up. Now that I am a quarter of a century years old (I am old, old, and old), I realize more and more everyday that life is short. We should all value our time on this planet and make the most of it. Happiness is a key to doing that, so through prayer, listening to my heart, and surrounding myself with positive people I am able to maintain my smile :-) (I know I smile way too much, but hey frowning takes too much effort).

Anyways, back to the race. So I woke up at 3:30a.m. so that I could be at the race site at 4a.m. in order to get registered. I was not able to pic up my registration on the previous day because I had a Saturday class, so this was my only option. After I picked up my registration, I returned to the hotel for a couple more hours of sleep, only to then head back to the site so that I could make it on time to get on the bus. There were several buses that drove thousands of runners to the edge of San Francisco near Golden Gate Park. After the ride it soon sank in that this was it, and I had no choice but to make it back on foot or by a medical golf cart and I didn't want to go out on a golf cart (it's bad for the ego ;-)

Shortly, after they dropped us off all of the race groups lined up. I was a part of the second group which was timed at finishing before 2hrs. 14minutes. Even though that sounds like a long time, it really isn't because you have to at least run a 10 minute mile. Now that is slow for the average runner, but keeping up that pace for over 2hrs really does take its toll on you. So as the race gun sounded off I found my way heading toward the pack that was near the front. I followed them for quite sometime until I had to take a short bathroom break (I blame that on the butterflies in my stomach). After my little break I returned head strong into the race.

Now something that I did not anticipate on was the steep hills of San Fran. I know, you would think I would have trained running up and down inclines, but I didn't. I guess I wanted to be surprised, and boy was I surprised. The first two hills weren't too bad, but the next dozen really did wear out my legs. Around mile 9 my body pretty much was done with the race, so I had to dig deep inside to make it to the end. Fortunately, there were several people lined up along the race cheering us all on with signs and banners of support. At every 3 mile mark there was music playing along with water, gatorade, bananas, and oranges to help us make it to the finish line. I never felt so supported in my life, and I know if it was not for all of the support, it would have been twice as hard for me to finish.

After I crossed the finish line (took me 2hrs and 14min., just made the break)I stood for a picture next to the trolley car with my medal on. In case you were wondering about my glazed over look, well honestly I had no idea where I was during that pic. I was in another state of consciousness and the state I was in was not San Francisco. Once I regained my wits, I loaded up on carbs and energy drinks then I returned to the hotel to catch up on some well deserved sleep.

Despite looking like life is kicking my ass in all of the pics, I really did enjoy the race. I was able to push myself to levels I have never been before and it all made the feeling of accomplishment so much more gratifying. I recommend everyone to participate in one race in their life, either a 5K, 10K, half marathon or a full marathon because it is a great experience that not only challenges your body, but it will force you to push your mind and soul as well.

Now it is time to enjoy my last day in Ohio. I have had a GREAT time since I have been back and I look forward to enjoying the rest of my time here. It was great to see all of my old professors at Wright State as well as my friends and family.

Until next time.....GODSPEED!

-Bob

Know Thyself

So, you all are probably wondering about the elaborate image of the world I created with the words, "Know Bob" at the top. Well a couple of months ago my Integrated Processing professor wanted us all to research about our family, and our own history so we could develop a better understanding of ourself. I personally thought it would be a great assignment because I thrive on creativity and in order to encourage our creative sides he did not put too many constraints on us.

Therefore, I decided to take a couple of pieces of cardboard, some fabric, Christmas lights, and some photos of my family and arrange it in a way that encompassed my passion, which is traveling and my appreciation for diversity. Along with the research, I decided to undergo a genetic ancestry test to help fill in some of the gaps I was finding. This test was conducted through the use of cheek samples by which were analyzed in a lab in Arizona. Once the results came in I found out that most of my genetic ancestry came from Sub-Saharan Africa approximately 72%. The second largest percentage came from a European source approximately 24%, and finally the last percentage came from an East Asian source approximately 4%.

Although I already had vague knowledge of this information through family stories, it was also from these stories that I was under the impression that I had Native American ancestry. According to the test they could not find any evidence of this however, I was also told by the scientists that East Asian and Native American determinants hold many similarities with each other therefore, I should not conclusively say that I do not have any Native American influence. So, I guess you can say that I'll have to continue my research down that avenue in order to find more conclusive results.

I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to have done this project. I wish that I would have thought about doing it at an earlier time because there has never been a time in my life where I have felt more complete and knowledgeable of who I am. I have a better appreciation for my ancestors, now knowing of the sacrifices they made so that I might be here today.

Even though some of the research I did uncovered "hard to hear" information, I consider that info just as important as the glamorous info because without knowing the bad I am incomplete. I whole heartedly recommend that everyone try to research their family ancestry. Afterall, we all come from immigrants and we currently live in a society that stresses conformity therefore, our individual differences get lost. Our ancestors had to assimilate and through this process they lost important cultural traits that defined them. So by researching your own family I challenge you to discover these cultural traits and with respect to your ancestors, know where you came from.

Now this task is not at all an easy one, and most of your information will have to come from family members unless you have a prominent name. So, if your family members are reluctant to talk for whatever reason, I recommend going to the library to conduct your research. I personally went to the Mormon Library on the temple in Oakland, CA to conduct my research because the Mormons are the world leaders in conducting research on the family since it is a pertinent part of their religion.

I was able to get to about the year 1860 using the U.S. Census Bureau because that was the first year African Americans were included. Therefore, my gaps were filled through genetic testing, other text sources, and family knowledge. The company I conducted the genetic test with can be located at www.gtldna.com

This genetic test is still developing and therefore can only provide an approximation. Hopefully in the future technology will advance so that a more discriminate test can be performed that provides more answers. A better explanation of the methods they currently employ can be found on the website posted above.

Well aside from this enlightening experience I have been keeping busy with school, school, and more school. I am getting excellent grades which is always a plus considering anything below a B- is no credit (guess you gotta be on your A game in graduate school). I also joined student councel and I have been able to gain a tremendous amount of information about the school/politics through this organization. I also have made a lot more upper classmen friends this way and I constantly benefit from their advise.

Ok, I think that about does it for this blog. Next time I will talk about the great time I had at SF Pride 07 and my day exploring San Francisco. I am still working to reach my potential and accomplishing my New Years Resolutions, so I have been rigorously training for a half marathon race which takes place at the end of the month. Wish me luck, enjoy your Fourth of July, and I'll talk to you later!

"Keep reaching for the stars, for they are limitless"

-Bob

What is Red?

So, some of you may be wondering what the deal is with my emphasis on the color red. Well let me start off by saying it has nothing to do with my favorite color (because that is blue ;-), rather it is a global economic initiative aimed at putting pressure on governments to address issues such as AIDS, debt, and trade in Africa. This initiative was created by U2 singer Bono, and Bobby Shriver (Chairman of an organization called DATA - Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa), in order to form alliances between businesses to create a consistant flow of private sector money to go directly to the Global Fund.

The Global Fund finances AIDS programs that are focused on women and children in Africa. It is the world's leading program to combat AIDS, tuberculosis, and malaria. It works to provide treatment to children infected with HIV that are abandoned in orphanages and provides preventative education to adults. The funds are properly managed as to avoid corruption, and distribution is only given on the basis of proven results.

So you are probably wondering why should you care, right? Well just to throw some numbers at you, every year 3 million people die from AIDS. Of the 40 million people infected by HIV/AIDS worldwide, Africa comprises 60% of infected people, despite Africa only representing 10% of the world population. This number should shock us all, and if we are not shocked then we should take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves, "How did we get to this point?"

Empathy is a characteristic of what it means to be human. As each passing day goes by, we are exposed to more and more negative images in the media. All of these negative images take a toll on us per se, and we lose an emotional attachment to reality with each exposure. It is almost as if these negative images are overloading our minds, and desensitization is the result.

This emotional disconnect affects us in every aspect of our life. Everything from our friendships, love relationships, family, and our everyday interactions with people. The most kindness is observed through those that truly feel the benefits.

With that being said, you now may be wondering what can you do to help? Well if money is not your thing, show your support by clicking on the joinred myspace page listed on my buddylist and add a tag in the corner such as inspi(red), or admi(red). If you would like to make a financial contribution, take your business to companies such as The Gap, American Express, Apple, Converse, Giorgio Armani, or Motorola and buy (red) products. Each one of these companies gives a percentage to The Global Fund (for example: The Gap contributes 50% of all (red) products sold, America Express 1% of every transaction, Apple $10.00 from every Ipod Nano sold, etc.).

The (red) initiative is without a doubt making strides toward making the world a better place for everyone and so far the Global Fund has raised 7 billion dollars. From this money 770,000 people were able to receive treatment for HIV/AIDS, nearly 9 million for voluntarily HIV testing, 2 million treated for tuberculosis, 22 million for malaria, and 18 million families were given insecticide-treated mosquito nets. It is great to see how this initiative is changing the world, and with continued support, only kindness will prosper.

Until next time,

-Bob

Remember "Think Red!"

Information was obtained from www.joinred.com

Maximizing Potential

Well a lot has happened since the last time I blogged which was sometime around Thanksgiving. Therefore, I will give you all a brief summary of everything that has happened in my life, so that I can then focus on the topic of this blog addressing potential.

Thanksgiving was a joyous time for me despite being away from family and most of my friends. Now don't get me wrong, I missed them all dearly, but I was able to experience the true meaning of thanksgiving, that is giving to those in need. My journey began walking the streets of San Francisco bright and early Thanksgiving morning trying to find a soup kitchen that needed a pair of extra hands. Me being the procrastinator that I am did not call in advance to get on a roster, but hey it was more adventurous walking around aimlessly :-). After being turned away from two kitchens (they had too many volunteers believe it or not) I was able to participate at the third site.

I had a blast working with the rest of the volunteers and the line of homeless people outside stretched all the way to the end of the street and beyond. I had never seen so many homeless people in one place, but from what I have seen thus far is that San Francisco has a very, very, high homeless population. It felt good being able to give my time and energy, whether than a buck or two. Not that I don't occasionally give money, but I find it more beneficial to get to know people on an interpersonal level, and to do that, it takes more than money.

Christmas was spent with my friend Amanda and her boyfriend Chuck. Amanda is a girl I met in Ohio before I left for Taiwan. We kept contact off and on throughout that year, and it just turned out that she was also moving to California the same time I was. It was nice to know that I would know at least one person here in San Fran, and her and Chuck have been nothing but extremely nice to me. So, they invited me to their family's Christmas dinner and what a Christmas dinner it was.

Let me start off and say that Chuck comes from a very diverse family. Japanese, Italian, and Pacific Islander just to name a few. Therefore, the table consisted of an array of cultural dishes. The food was absolutely AMAZING, and it reminded me how important it is to appreciate cultures. Everyone brought a piece of themself to share, and together everyone reaped the benefits.

We played this game called "White Elephant" that requires everyone to exchange absurd or reject gifts to try to make out with the least crappiest gift. It was really fun to play, and I ended up walking away with a blue dancing frog that was dressed as Vanilla Ice during his glory days. To top it off this hideous frog sung, "Living the Vida Loca". Hilarious one might say, however I just tried to hide my gift so that people would stop reminding me that it was mine ;-).

Now here comes the big hooray of my blog. As the clock struck 12 and we all left what we knew as 2006 to enter a new terrain of 07, it dawned on me that I should make this year the best year ever. Now you might ask how would I do that and what do I mean about making it the best year ever? Well, to start off I feel that as a young adult in my mid 20's I am creating the rest of my life, determing what I can/can't do, and what I want/do not want to do. I am shaping my destiny, and most older people that I consult with have given me wisdom.

After years and years of thinking, and contemplating my life and how I relate to others, I clearly know what I want out of life. Therefore, I know what I need to do to get there. Maximizing my potential is a key to getting where I want to go. Creating New Years Resolutions are ways by which I can check myself. Finally, progress is shown by my need to have accountability for my endeavors. Everyone that knows about my resolutions act as checkpoints. So, the pressure is on, and I tend to work well under pressure.

First off I would like see my physical limits. Studies show that people in their 20's are at the best shape of their life. Those are the "prime-time" years for athletes, and there's no difference for everyone else. Once a person leaves that decade their physical health starts to decline, and gravity starts pulling harder and harder. Now I am not saying older people are unhealthy, I am just saying that youth has its adavantages. Therefore, I am going to take better care of myself so that I will be less likely to have bad health in the future. Much like a car if you want it to run well for a long time you must keep up the maintenance, and your body is no exception.

Sadly, most people take better care of their vehicles than they do their own body. So I advise all to routinely visit your doctor, dentist, psychologist, etc. A healthy person is a happier person, and I believe everyone deserves to be happy.

Next resolution is to optimize my mind. I am already in a doctorate prgm for psychology so I am continuously challenged there, however I would like to branch out my options so that I have mobility when I get older. So I will improve my Japanese, and Spanish. To really know a culture one must speak the language and I am on my way to doing that. If language is not your thing, broaden your bookshelf with books that are not normally your taste. I am reading Colin Powell's autobiography now, and so far it is a hell of a book. Go to events that you are unfamiliar with such as: poetry sessions, cultural festivals, line dancing, etc. With all that life has to offer no one should ever say that they are bored.

Last but not least is the soul. Now you don't have to been religious to do this however, everyone needs to work on this aspect to become a healthier person. Step outside of yourself and get involved with your community. Do what you can to make an imprint on society. Volunteer once in a while, join a cause worth fighting for, visit a senior home and talk with the residents. There are many things you can do to help develop this part of your self. Unfortunately, the soul is the most neglected part of a person in this society, and it is easy to fall to the "superficial desires" of the world. Since many people neglect this part of their life, I wonder why they are surprised when they find themselves incomplete.

Well that is all for now. I slowly but surely will add more information on my page. I have been somewhat enigmatic ever since I started this page, but I promise more information about me will come. I would like to show various aspects of my personality on the page, but I am now in the process of figuring out how I can incorporate that. I hope you all enjoyed reading this, and until next time.

-Bob

Alternative Schools?

Well as most of you know I am now living in Pleasant Hill, California which is northeast of San Francisco Bay. Fortunately, I found an apartment across the street from my university, so I guess you can say that lucked out there. JFK University is amazing. It is everything that I could have hoped for a psychology doctorate program to have. It focuses on multi-culturalism, and emphasizes a "hands-on" approach to learning. Therefore, in order to gain experience working in a diverse community, the university placed me in an alternative school. Many of you are probably wondering what kind of alternative school I am volunteering at. Well, it is a school for kids with disciplinary problems, or for those that for whatever reason do not have enough credits to graduate.

I have been working there for about two months and I really enjoy interacting with the students. Although, there are times where it is EXTREMELY STRESSFUL, I manage because I constantly remind myself that I am working to be a positive impact in their lives, and I believe that they know that by the enthusiasm and effort I put in the class. This post will focus on my first day at the site. You'll see that it was jarring to say the least ;-).

Prior upon beginning my practicum site; I was filled with many emotions that ranged from excitement to anxiety. I am aware that I have experienced more than most people at my age, however, working at a continuation high school was not one of them. I was intrigued to work at this site because of it being a novel environment. I knew I would have a chance to develop myself in ways beyond my previous experiences. In contrast, I also felt anxious because this site was so foreign. I knew that although I may have taught in schools before, this would be entirely different because unlike my previous students, most of these students were there because of disciplinary problems. I refused to let any negative preconceived notions that I might have been facing to interfere with my ability to form a relationship with the students. I wanted them to all know that I was there to help them. I wanted them all to know that despite their hardships, I would do that I could as a teacher assistant to see them succeed. I knew that this would be a difficult challenge to say the least.

Many questions entered my head before I began working. I wondered if they would accept me as a new teacher? Would the kids respond to me or would they just write me off as another student? Would they judge me for going to college and not reflecting the stereotypes that are associated with their culture? Aside, from all of these questions I also asked myself about the structure of the classroom. Will the teacher have control of the class? Would the style of teaching differ from any that I have been exposed to? Would the administrators’ bias views about the students turn out to be true? I felt all of these questions were pertinent to making my experience one that I could get the most out of. Above all else, I told myself that despite the high level of stress I might experience, I would not forget the reason why I was there. That reason would mirror the reason for why I wanted to be a psychologist. That is to observe the most I can out of life, so that I may understand people better in order to become the best public servant that I can be.

It was early Monday morning and I felt like I did when I was kid and it was my first day of school. I quickly got ready to catch the bus to B.A.R.T (Bay Area Rapid Transit) so that I could get off, only to then get on another bus. Finally, I would walk a mile up hill to arrive at my school. It was an arduous trip to say the least, but this inconvenience did not aid to the feelings I was already experiencing. As described above, my excitement and anxiety were all a product of beginning my practicum experience. I remained focused during my trip so that I would be prepared to handle whatever was thrown at me.

Once I entered the building, I was greeted with smiles from the secretaries and from the principal. I could tell that they were all genuinely happy to see me. The principal walked out and told me that I would be working with a teacher that could use some help with the students. I felt a little uneasy by his statement because I was hoping to be placed with a teacher that had more control of their environment. I began to realize that even though his statement was vague in determining what area the teacher was lacking in, I immediately associated his statement to behavior. I began to create an artificial scenario in my head where the students controlled the teacher, and I would be there as a mediator or a distraction to ease the tension that was already prevalent in the classroom. It was not until I left that day that I realized that the principal could have been referring to a number of things besides behavior such as, the teacher’s lack of ability to communicate efficiently with the students, problems teaching the students, or just having a difficulty developing a rapport with the students.

As I entered the classroom, to say I was shocked and amazed would be an understatement. I was horrified to see that there was completely no structure, and some of my preconceived notions were minuscule to what I was now witnessing with my very own eyes. Students were talking on cell phones, walking around the class, listening to music from the television, drawing, and socializing. I did not know what to make of what was going on in the class. I was confused to see this happening in a classroom. The kids were displaying the same behavior as if they were in a mall with their friends.

I walked over to the teacher, only to find her at her desk reading the newspaper. I introduced myself, and told her why I was there. I then wasted no time to ask her what was going on? She began to tell me that she was not their normal teacher, and it was her first time substituting for this class. I was a little relieved to hear this, because now I had a legitimate excuse to why the classroom was in such a state of disarray. I recalled some of the times when I was in high school and my class often behaved more mischievously in the presence of a substitute, although not at the level they were acting. I then asked her, "What was the lesson plan for the day?" She then gave me this blank stare as if I was speaking a foreign language. I was dumbfounded to receive this reaction and as a result, I began to repeat myself thinking that she did not hear me. She spoke before I had the chance, and told me that she did not have a clue because their regular teacher did not leave a lesson plan. I was confused to hear her say this. I did not understand why a teacher would call off and not prepare any material for the substitute. It was not until later that I found out that the previous teacher left the classroom last Friday in tears because he felt the environment was too stressful. Since she did not know what to do at the onset of class, she told me that she just had the students clean the classroom. She commented on how nice it looked compared to how the room looked before. She conveyed a sense of satisfaction and told me that they were just doing whatever now because none of the students would tell her what they were working on during the previous week.

It was enraging to listen to her inform me of the current situation. I could not believe that the regular teacher did not leave a lesson plan. I could not believe that the principal did not bat an eye at the uncanny classroom behavior. I was in a state of disbelief to hear that the students were acting as janitors instead of students. Overall, I felt like it was just a big waste of time, and wasting time is one of my pet peeves. Therefore, I knew I would have to take a proactive stance, while at the same time act in line as to not overstep my boundaries. I suggested that I should at least get everyone’s attention so that I could introduce myself to them. For some reason she did not think this was necessary. I felt as if she really did not care what the kids did and was just fed up with them. Introductions are a necessity if one hopes to develop a relationship. Knowing this I knew I would have to intervene and present my argument in favor for an introduction. After seeing the urgency in my tone and expressions, she eased up in her opposition and agreed to give me time to speak to the class.

As I went to the front of the class, my stomach was full of butterflies. Public speaking has never been a good trait of mine, but after teaching for a year in Taiwan, I thought I was over this hurdle. I believe it was the feeling of being in an unfamiliar environment that contributed to these feelings. In a moderate tone I said, "Ok, everyone may I have your attention." The students acted as if I was not even standing there. Again, but with more urgency in my voice I restated myself. Still, I did not get a response. Then finally, I shouted in my most authoritative voice, what I previously said. This seemed to work, and they began to turn toward me and cease their previous engagements. I then proceeded to tell them about myself, everything from my past career endeavors to my hometown and recreational activities. Out of everything that I said, it appeared that the only thing they were fascinated in was that I use to work in a women’s prison. I found this quite amusing, because even though it is quite unorthodox, I felt it was quite insignificant compared to the other things that I told them. It then dawned on me that they were embracing stereotypes for which their group were labeled. They joked with one another about going to prison and that they were positive that a number of fellow students would be there. I heard one girl talk about how one of her teachers told her she was getting a D for dumb. I heard the substitute make negative comments about their behavior and she made it clear that she really did not want to be there. It was saddening to see all of this occurring before my eyes. I was uneasy about not being able to do something about the disharmony I was feeling in the room. Therefore, I took the initiative to walk around to each student and ask him or her about their life and what career they hoped to achieve.

I learned a great deal from all of their conversations. Every student, except for one, showed that they understood that school was important in reaching their goal. That one exception told me that ever since he was six years old he knew that he would take over his father’s roofing company. Over the years, he learned the system inside and out and felt that school was a complete waste of time because it contributed nothing to his career. I was perplexed to hear their answers because they did not connect to their behaviors. The more I spoke to them the more I found out about how many of them were left to fend for themselves. Some of them understood that this was their last chance to graduate from high school and said that they were trying to stay aware from negative influences. Those same students were the ones that turned in an assignment that I convinced the substitute teacher to assign them, despite her reluctance because the students were not listening.

At the end of the day, I was consumed with several new emotions before I entered the school, while previous feelings were disposed. I was in awe of what I just witnessed. I felt disheartened to see how bad the system and the students were treated. I felt bad for the teachers to see that not only did they have to worry about the education, but in actuality the behavior took a precedence. The disorganization that I witnessed was probably the most disturbing. How could students be expected to improve in a chaotic environment? Being the type of person that I am, I recognized that in order to make things better I would have to make a concerted effort to find solutions for these problems. I then felt optimistic remembering that the most positive moment of the day was hearing the students speak about what they wanted to become. Despite the disconnect between their realities and the "real world’s" I began to realize that there is a way for me to reach them because I had something to work with. I believe this eagerness will be more motivation to putting forth my best effort to see these students fulfill their potential. I know I am in for a long road ahead, but I am looking forward to the challenge.